There are No Words: Carla chapter One

There are many forms of abuse, that is, when one person hurts another causing pain, trauma and suffering.  Recently I have talked about adult relationships and how one party overpowers or bullies the other. Their partner unconsciously colludes with the abuser, sometimes unknowingly giving their own power to the bully.

Bing Childhood trauma

What happens when a child is overpowered (by nature the power valance is skewed since the child is dependent and the adult is in charge) and that adult misuses parental power without a balance of love and compassion?  The results can be devastating.  One such instance occurred with one of my clients whose session will be detailed in the next blog. With her permission I will share this powerful and touching experience which she had during a Reiki Fusion session (please see my website for a fuller explanation of the process).


The background is tragic.  Her mother abandoned her when she was two years old, moving out-of-state.  For privacy reasons, let’s call her Carla.  Her mother promised to have her come and visit, but in spite of her hopes and wishes, it never happened.  Carla was left in the care of her father, a man not cut out to be a parent, and certainly not the sole parent.  She grew up afraid of him, his gruff and judgmental ways.  She describes him as stoic, stubborn, confrontational, self-absorbed and insecure.  She always feared he would abandon her, like her mother did, but he did not.  Her fears guided her behavior and created a “false self” to keep him present.

Bing Scared Children

Carla was a gifted and sensitive child.  He may have done the best he could but with her sensitive ways, she learned she had to cut off her feelings in order to survive.  Feelings were not allowed!  She numbed herself and hid, even from herself.  She hid the pain and suffering over the loss of her mother and the harsh and cold ways of her father.  She became dissociated from her real feelings, her real self.  She walked around “as if” she was there, but she actually had “vacated.”  Her energy body left her physical body and hovered by her side.

She knew she wasn’t herself but had no idea how to find herself after years of shutdown and avoidance.  She asked me if she would have to go through the memories of the neglect and abuse, or was there another way, a shortcut? Could she heal without traveling through the devastation, reliving it and going through the trauma all over again, this time with full consciousness?


When neglect and abuse are visited upon a little being who hasn’t even learned to conceptualize, talk, or process, there are no words for it.  This is what makes “talk therapy” so ineffective.  You can’t find the words, phrases, insights, or experiences without a cognitive context from which to access.

There are many excellent approaches, both modern and ancient that can be used to treat pre-verbal (sometimes called pre-oedipal) traumas.  Some methods urge the patient to re-experience the traumas, but under certain circumstances re-traumatization can deepen the rift.  The gift of Reiki Fusion is that, if necessary, memories can emerge briefly, then released – freeing blocked energy and opening to a lighter, joyful experience.


The next blog will be an in-depth description of deep healing that allows a part of Carla’s Higher Self, Spirit, or what I call Witness, to discover the wisdom, power and strength that she never thought she possessed. The answers did not come from me, but from the amazing being that she is (and that we all are).  My purpose was to guide her and have faith in her own process.  She was deeply surprised by her discovery.  I have come to expect, that with patience and faith, we all have the strength and wisdom within us to get us through the darkest of times.

Bing light as jeasus:candle


See you next time


Wisdom to Ponder

What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly.

Richard Bach



How do I find myself again?

When I suggest that you meditate you may find yourself resistant.  Maybe it’s “I tried but my mind wouldn’t stop.”  Or it may be, “I don’t know how” or “I don’t have the time.”


I understand.  I experienced resistance as well.  But I found a way that works for me.  I share it here with you.  It is a gathering of techniques that, if followed, will take you to the place deep inside of you that is quiet and wise. If you are entangled by the Other, overtaken, possibly manipulated away from your true self, this is one way through the maze to the core of you.

A few ideas:

  • Develop the Witness.  Sit quietly in a comfortable position with feet on the floor.  Try to arrange a space that is quiet and where you won’t be disturbed.  Just notice your thoughts and feelings.  Accept them.  Look at your thoughts and feelings as separate from you.  They are not you.  You are witnessing your thoughts and feelings.  This creates a little space between the You that is noticing and the thoughts and feelings themselves.  Once you notice, let it go and be open for what happens next.  Allow discovery.
  • Set aside a brief time at first – it may be just ten minutes, fifteen.  Once you get in practice you will want to stay longer.
  • Don’t fight the thoughts and feelings.  Notice if they are positive, negative, obsessive, fear-based.  Notice if they are positive, happy.  You may squirrel around in your mind.  You may find your mind a difficult place to be.  Don’t run, stay, accept, then release one thought or feeing after another in discovery.
  • Watch them like you are watching a movie.
  • Once the thoughts and feelings begin to slow down (since you gave them a fair hearing), notice what you see behind closed lids.  Focus about two inches in front of your eyes, with eyes closed.  Notice light or dark areas.  In time you may see colors and images.  Allow yourself to see the colors and images without judgement.  Just witness.
  • Now you have deepened:  you can ask a question, a question whose answer has eluded you, a struggle whose resolution you seek, a question about a course of action, a question of the truth.  Speak it in your mind, then release it like a balloon.
  • Sit.  Keep noticing.  Follow where you lead.  A word, a phrase, an image may come to you.  Pay attention.  Listen.
  • You are in the zone of deep inspiration.
  • At the end of your sitting meditation you may want to keep a journal of your adventure.  Did you enjoy the “movie?” What did you see, hear or sense?  The more you practice the more you discover the real you – and the truth within.

Note;  this is not the usual idea of meditation.  Most people understand it to be the way to a blank mind, the ultimate escape from your thoughts.  I am encouraging you to go through your thoughts, enter and immerse yourself in your thoughts and feelings – including feelings of anger, loss, misery, resentment, hopelessness.  Then as soon as you come in deep contact with these thoughts and feelings – let them go and welcome the next.

We humans tend to run from our pain.  Running from what is inside is impossible.  By denying, it remains inside and comes out inevitably one way or the other.  It can make us sick, or cause us to act out in ways that are not helpful for our life goals.

By acknowledging what is inside then releasing – we leave room for inspiration.


Namaste,  Cynthia