There are No Words: Carla chapter One

There are many forms of abuse, that is, when one person hurts another causing pain, trauma and suffering.  Recently I have talked about adult relationships and how one party overpowers or bullies the other. Their partner unconsciously colludes with the abuser, sometimes unknowingly giving their own power to the bully.

Bing Childhood trauma

What happens when a child is overpowered (by nature the power valance is skewed since the child is dependent and the adult is in charge) and that adult misuses parental power without a balance of love and compassion?  The results can be devastating.  One such instance occurred with one of my clients whose session will be detailed in the next blog. With her permission I will share this powerful and touching experience which she had during a Reiki Fusion session (please see my website cynthiamchase.com for a fuller explanation of the process).

 

The background is tragic.  Her mother abandoned her when she was two years old, moving out-of-state.  For privacy reasons, let’s call her Carla.  Her mother promised to have her come and visit, but in spite of her hopes and wishes, it never happened.  Carla was left in the care of her father, a man not cut out to be a parent, and certainly not the sole parent.  She grew up afraid of him, his gruff and judgmental ways.  She describes him as stoic, stubborn, confrontational, self-absorbed and insecure.  She always feared he would abandon her, like her mother did, but he did not.  Her fears guided her behavior and created a “false self” to keep him present.

Bing Scared Children

Carla was a gifted and sensitive child.  He may have done the best he could but with her sensitive ways, she learned she had to cut off her feelings in order to survive.  Feelings were not allowed!  She numbed herself and hid, even from herself.  She hid the pain and suffering over the loss of her mother and the harsh and cold ways of her father.  She became dissociated from her real feelings, her real self.  She walked around “as if” she was there, but she actually had “vacated.”  Her energy body left her physical body and hovered by her side.

She knew she wasn’t herself but had no idea how to find herself after years of shutdown and avoidance.  She asked me if she would have to go through the memories of the neglect and abuse, or was there another way, a shortcut? Could she heal without traveling through the devastation, reliving it and going through the trauma all over again, this time with full consciousness?

 

When neglect and abuse are visited upon a little being who hasn’t even learned to conceptualize, talk, or process, there are no words for it.  This is what makes “talk therapy” so ineffective.  You can’t find the words, phrases, insights, or experiences without a cognitive context from which to access.

There are many excellent approaches, both modern and ancient that can be used to treat pre-verbal (sometimes called pre-oedipal) traumas.  Some methods urge the patient to re-experience the traumas, but under certain circumstances re-traumatization can deepen the rift.  The gift of Reiki Fusion is that, if necessary, memories can emerge briefly, then released – freeing blocked energy and opening to a lighter, joyful experience.

 

The next blog will be an in-depth description of deep healing that allows a part of Carla’s Higher Self, Spirit, or what I call Witness, to discover the wisdom, power and strength that she never thought she possessed. The answers did not come from me, but from the amazing being that she is (and that we all are).  My purpose was to guide her and have faith in her own process.  She was deeply surprised by her discovery.  I have come to expect, that with patience and faith, we all have the strength and wisdom within us to get us through the darkest of times.

Bing light as jeasus:candle

 

See you next time

I’m Breathing Now (forth impression)

I had to go deep. I look back at my own mother. Since I was born she hated my father and spewed venom on him, as they lived together in hate for their entire marriage. I saw the model of a ‘marriage’ as hateful, vindictive and contemptuous. I vowed I would never be like my mother, but here I am.

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Now that I know this, it has changed me.  I re-created my mother’s life and I have a choice now to be different!  For the first time in years, I am breathing. With my first breath, I realized that I was holding my breath all this time. It was unconscious. As soon as I breathed in I knew.  With each exhalation, I release my pain.   I feel the change down to my cells. I breathe into my belly and I realize that I need to listen to my gut. It was trying to help me but I denied it. I am listening now.

I meditate and see in my mind’s eye the massive negative thinking and the way in which my thoughts changed me.

I have to start thinking healthier.

Who is going to love me, take care of me, nurture me? Me, that’s who. My sons love me, my family loves me, my friends love me. But I need to love me. I need to see myself realistically – not as a projection of him onto me! I say to myself, you’ve made it this far, and you did it all alone. You are sending two sons off to college, you go to work every day and do an honorable job. You pay your bills without help from anyone. You are stronger than you think.

So I talk to myself now: You are going to be OK.  I bathe myself every moment with loving care.

I put myself in here. I’m the only one that can take me out.

Bing perfectionlove99,bolspot.com

A Call Out: Dare to Live

Happy woman jumping and sun

A brief time here.

I have lived in shrunken space

long enough.

I dare to live,

for this small, dark space

is no life.

I dare to live now.

I choose to live in full color

in all dimensions.

I dance freely in the infinite joy of

space

time

pleasure

freedom.

I release the black and white.

I dare to vibrate in

living color,

and to those for whom

my light is too bright

I say

put on your sunglasses

or look the other way.

I dare to live

in courage and

love.

Loss is part of being human

Loss is part of being Human

I had a dream the other night. I met a Buddhist Monk and he looked right into my eyes, or maybe I should say he looked deep into me and through me. He said, I understand that you engage in a practice that assumes Buddhist principles. I challenge you then to let go – don’t hold too hard to anything. Hold lightly, living, letting the present moment slip through your fingers so that it easily flows into the past. In the new moment you are empty and can be filled with the moment in all its possibilities.

Love and live now – remember and care, even though your heart breaks at the past no longer present. Live and love now. Honor what was; learn the lessons of the heart. Be present. Surrender to what is. Love is all there is.