Response to Previous Post: FREEDOM

“Being FREE of the shackles that held me prisoner for over a decade is a feeling that I cannot put into words. To know I do not have to look over my shoulder or watch what I say brings me nothing but overwhelming joy.
My house is now a home!!  I can be me all the time now!  It took me what feels like forever to get the courage to move forward and believe in myself.
I did it at my own pace and never gave up. What he did to me throughout the years just taught me to live on my own. What he thought was punishment was actually a blessing in disguise and for that I thank him!”

Thank you for sharing this!  I post it here to show there is hope from even the direst of circumstances.  You are a role model and we thank you for your inspiration!

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Carla: Chapter Seven

“During the Reiki Fusion session, I was curled up in a ball. I realize that is symbolic for how I lived my whole life. I turned away from life and challenges and withdrew. I was passive and closed off. I was scared all the time, and I didn’t even know what I was scared of. I never tried anything new. I was a machine, a steam engine: I just kept going without feeling. I was a shell, just making it to the next stop and just kept going.

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I discover that I am uncurled now. I am standing up straight. If I am wronged, I confront the person or situation directly. I have power now. Now I can just be. I can think and absorb. I have mind space now.

I’m not scared any more.

google authentic self

 

Hypnosis Session for Empowerment

Response to “Excellent Post”

Fire fist“Excellent post! It’s very overwhelming when your emotions are controlled by the abuser. Being with an abuser who has you so embedded with fear, you feel like you are cemented by their unpredictable behaviors. My question is how do you overcome those emotions that the abuser planted in you. I feel like a flower that is being strangled by the weeds that grow around it where it’s unable to grow and be nurtured. To overcome those fears feels like jumping into an ocean and not knowing how to swim. I don’t know how to overcome what he as embedded into me for years.”

 

Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post! This is the heart of the issue. How do we honor ourselves by choosing a life that is safe and nurturing?  I’d like to share some ideas for you to consider:

 

  • Your mind is more powerful than you think. If your thought process holds the belief that you are weak, powerless and enslaved by another, you are indeed a slave.

 

  • Your own belief system can be the most debilitating part of your life.

 

  • Your belief determines your expectations.

 

  • We never deal directly with the reality. We deal with what we believe the reality to be.

 

  • A negative belief will create a negative experience.

 

  • We actually create the world around us through our conscious, or unconscious beliefs.

 

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” James Allen

 

Beliefs

 

If our beliefs are so important, we need to know the source of our beliefs. It may not be as obvious as you think. As dependent beings who are in the process of developing the cognitive abilities to process information and experiences, we learned so much about ourselves and the world around us but have no memory of those early lessons (at least for most of us.) These learning experiences are unconscious but form the foundation of our beliefs.

 

Later, we make choices in the formation of our world that conform with those earlier assumptions. Each choice paints the complete picture of our particular life. Consider the life of a child who has been beaten, demeaned and humiliated as compared with the child who has been treasured, supported and nurtured. Each of them has been “taught” how to view themselves and make choices consistent with their experience.

 

Not all learning takes place in childhood. It continues. So, if you were treated with love and saw your parents in a loving and respectful relationship the groundwork has been set for you to choose and to expect a loving and respectful relationship for yourself.

 

If it turns out that you unknowingly chose a man that became a drug addict, one who cheated on you and was physically and emotionally abusive to you – what is the lesson here?   Will the original lessons lead you out of an abusive relationship or will your husband “teach” you that you are unworthy and that you “deserve” his punishment?

 

How to change your beliefs

 

Are you a product of your past? Do you have a choice about that?

 

  • If you want to change, identify what beliefs you are holding. Sometimes the only way we can do that is to look at our behavior and choices. Look at the life you have created and imagine the assumptions you are holding.

 

  • For example, if you are with a man who is abusive to you, and you remain with him, we can assume on some level that you feel you deserve this, that you accept this treatment of you as valid.

 

  • Identify new beliefs consistent with the person you want to be: “I am worthy of love and respect.” “I honor and love myself.” “My life is complete. I have all that I need.”

 

  • Repeat your new mantra constantly and with constant effort.

 

  • Use the power of belief to create your world in a positive way – rather than allowing fear based beliefs that limit or deny

 

  • Key: then act on it! Make choices consistent with your new beliefs.

 

Manifestation

 

  • This is a fancy word for making it happen.

 

  • Think, believe and act as though it has already happened.

 

  • See, feel, taste, smell, and hear as though you have already received whatever you have asked for: visualize in detail, using all of your senses, the state of being that you seek.

 

  • Your unconscious mind believes what you tell it. Make it so.

 

 

Empowerment

 

  • I speak to you specifically about your fear and how you have allowed yourself to be controlled.

 

  • The antidote: I choose my life. I am powerful. I am unavailable to your manipulations. I am strong. I make choices every day to honor myself. I no longer accept your belief system. I have my own. I act on my beliefs. I choose safety and protection. Every behavior reflects the belief that I am worthy.

 

  • This takes work and consciousness. It is very hard because your automatic negative thoughts and beliefs sneak back in. Be vigilant! It is worth it. You are worth it.

 

  • Then, and this may be the hardest part: be ready to receive! Be aware of the unexpected gifts, opportunities. Be aware of your intuition: do not deny it.

 

  • It’s called the law of attraction. You’ve used it your whole life but didn’t know it. Use it consciously now to create the life you want.

 

  • Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled!

 

 

Tips:

 

  • Write down what you want. Be very detailed and specific.

 

  • Visualize yourself already being and possessing what you want.

 

  • Be aware of the little synchronicities in life: they are like magical and unexpected gifts – a door opening for you.

 

  • Monitor negative thoughts; replace with a belief of success.

 

  • I am on fire with my own life force.  I AM.

A. Introduction: Power Politics or True Empowerment

 

Power Politics or True Empowerment

by Cynthia M Chase

     With awareness, we have choice. Knowing the “truth” can set us free. This blog is based on personal and 30 plus years of clinical experience. It is my hope that by sharing the intricacies and inner workings of abusive relationships, both abuser and the victims of their abuse can be set free from their suffering and pain.

     The depth of pain felt by those dis-empowered is extraordinary.  Sometimes people say, “It’s only emotional pain, not physical.”  No scars or black and blue marks are left, but the psychological wounding is profound.  Just because the effects are not physically evident doesn’t mean that it hurts any less.  The hidden twistings and turnings that make up an emotionally abusive relationship can be hard to describe.  The Police won’t arrest the abuser since their ways are hidden behind closed doors and sometimes even the victim doesn’t understand what is happening.

     Accommodations are made, subtle adjustments are put in place to placate the abuser and to try to keep safe.  Over time the victim doesn’t often notice the ground lost or the confidence diminished.  Denial is the constant companion of the victim.  I was there, I know.  It is because of my own pain, years of denial and devastated self-esteem that I had to fight to empower my own life.  “What is wrong with me?” “What is wrong with him/her that makes me hurt so?”  These are the questions that plagued me.  This is my contribution to those of you who are suffering victims.  If you know what makes you vulnerable to these manipulations and if you begin to track the motivations, techniques and behaviors of the Abuser, you have a chance to change your life.

     The Abusers are in pain as well but are more difficult to help:  often they fight awareness of what they do, how much pain they cause, and sometimes don’t even care.  Certain Abusers act as though their feelings are the only ones that matter.  I offer compassion to you – you may not even know the loss of humanity that has robbed you of a heart.  Look carefully at yourself.  Understand that this loss deprives you of true empowerment.  The power that you seek over your Victim is a hollow victory.  Where is the happiness and contentment that you deserve?  You can never find it by using, manipulating or overpowering the other.

     As a psychotherapist of over 30 years I have seen hundreds of people caught in the web of an emotionally abusive relationship.  I have shared many of the ideas with my patients which I will now present to you.  They have been helped and have urged me to spread the word so that others may also seek their own salvation.  I honor them as I share my insights with you now.

I will be introducing ongoing chapters on this blog, Power Politics or True Empowerment on a regular basis.  I welcome your feedback and the sharing of your experience.

     Abusive relationships are based on the belief that external power over another leads to “winning.” What I have seen is that, on the contrary, abuser and victim become “locked in a death embrace” and both lose, unless detachment is achieved. Detachment facilitates the ability to “come home” to the self, to grow, and move towards self love.

     I have separated the abusers into two categories: The stealth hunters and the raptors. Based on nature’s model the first group hunts in the dark, keeping somewhat hidden in their search for prey and tending to camouflage their aggression. My focus here will be on stealth hunters. The second group, the raptors, is the equivalent of birds of prey: they attack, maim, and kill their prey. This may be the focus of a later blog.  Just know that in reality, there may be a fuzzy line between the stealth hunters and the raptors.

     First I want to talk to you about the abuse cycle. Then I will identify the characteristics of the stealth hunters and the victims or prey. We will approach this dysfunctional relationship in terms of how the abuser and victim connect with their energies so you can see why it is so difficult to “untangle the web”.  Then we will take a look at what a healthy relationship looks like and what kind of healing is needed to be free and empowered.

     We will delve into the Bill of Rights for both the Abuser and the Victim and end with thoughts on how to heal both the hunters and the prey.

     The journey is one from darkness and despair to freedom and light.  It’s not an easy journey but one worth traveling. There is hope!  Let’s begin.