Courage

You have lived through so much. It took courage to stay, to live each moment – one to the next. Sometimes you questioned if you would make it.

Suffering extends time. Maybe it seemed like forever. Heavy. Hopeless at times. Crushed.

And then, no more. Not one more minute. No. The courage to say No.

A Call Out: Dare to Live

Happy woman jumping and sun

A brief time here.

I have lived in shrunken space

long enough.

I dare to live,

for this small, dark space

is no life.

I dare to live now.

I choose to live in full color

in all dimensions.

I dance freely in the infinite joy of

space

time

pleasure

freedom.

I release the black and white.

I dare to vibrate in

living color,

and to those for whom

my light is too bright

I say

put on your sunglasses

or look the other way.

I dare to live

in courage and

love.

Mercy: How to break out of an abusive relationship

chain is broken

 

My heart aches for you. Here are some thoughts:

 

  • Breaking out of an abusive relationship may be even harder than being in one. What you have gone through so far is unbearable. Getting out of it will even be more difficult.

 

  • If you are really seeing that your relationship is abusive and toxic, if you have tried your ways and it hasn’t worked, the only way is to make the break.

 

  • Build the courage. It will take all you’ve got.

 

  • Prepare to end your relationship.

 

  • Acknowledge that you are being controlled and manipulated. Denial is your enemy.

 

  • Notice: how many aspects of your life are being controlled. Are you controlled by the emotions of your abuser? Have you lost yourself?

 

  • Think about the reasons why you need to leave. Look carefully at what you will gain: the capacity to enjoy life. Remember, you have a right to live.

 

  • Plan your exit. Know that no matter how much you will seem to lose, you will gain yourself.

 

  • Even if you lose your house you can find a way. Nothing is worth the loss of your true self. Your authentic self.

What do I do now that I’ve hit bottom?

 

 

“If I only had a Guardian Angel.  Can I be my own Angel?  Am I too far gone for rescue?

 

As I look down on myself from above, suffering and lost, I suddenly have compassion.  I cry seeing the heap that I have become.  I weep seeing my broken heart, the loneliness, the pain and despair.

staute bologna's certosa - italy 

You said I was “playing the victim.”  I wasn’t playing.  But I will be victim no more.  My eyes are open.  I see through you now.  And I see through me now.  The games and manipulations have lost their power as I “see” what is really happening.  I am no longer available.  I no longer give permission for you to sacrifice me for your false aggrandizement.  I see through the guilt-tripping.  I no longer get caught up in your twists and turns of thought that leave me in the dark, despairing.  I return home to me.

 

I look down at myself and wrap myself up in a blanket of love and acceptance.  Yes, I know I have made bad choices, I have acted out of weakness, out of neediness, and I have enabled you to overtake me.  I know I have been reactive rather than active.  I know.

 

No more.  I do not feed your disease any more.  I bathe myself in the light now.  I allow the shower of love and light to bathe over and through me.  I soothe myself with lullabies of love and gentleness. 

 

Now I protect my delicate heart – yes, I am still in here – from mean spirit and denigration.  I no longer give permission.

 

I take time now to honor myself in all that I am and commit to cleansing, building and reinforcing the essence of who I am.  No one can take that which I do not willingly give.

 

I reenter my body, mind and spirit.  I know that I am not alone.  I release the shame and instead honor the courage it takes to rise out of the ashes.

 

I live.  I love.  I am.