Hatred Overwhelms Me (Second Impression)

full moon over water

Addendum to the last post:

“The fog is beginning to lift. I am raw and bleeding.  Hatred has replaced fear now. It is as though hatred has taken on a life of its own.  It consumes me like a fire.  It permeates every cell of my body.  I am deeply embarrassed by the years of pain and hiding.  But isn’t that what he wanted?

I lost my voice.  He systematically, brick by brick, took down the foundation of my life, my personality, my self-esteem.  He worked furiously to distance me from my friends and family.  He found things wrong with them.   He told me my friends thought I was a joke and I didn’t belong in their league.  He said they all talked about me and were ‘whores.’

It’s like a virus that infects everything.  He had me believing the worst things about myself.  He called me names and told me I was the one who needed help.  When he asked questions, he did so for the sole purpose of using my replies to demean, demoralize and embarrass me.

I am just starting to accept that this is the reality I have been living with.  I am exhausted.”

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