Addendum to the last post:
“The fog is beginning to lift. I am raw and bleeding. Hatred has replaced fear now. It is as though hatred has taken on a life of its own. It consumes me like a fire. It permeates every cell of my body. I am deeply embarrassed by the years of pain and hiding. But isn’t that what he wanted?
I lost my voice. He systematically, brick by brick, took down the foundation of my life, my personality, my self-esteem. He worked furiously to distance me from my friends and family. He found things wrong with them. He told me my friends thought I was a joke and I didn’t belong in their league. He said they all talked about me and were ‘whores.’
It’s like a virus that infects everything. He had me believing the worst things about myself. He called me names and told me I was the one who needed help. When he asked questions, he did so for the sole purpose of using my replies to demean, demoralize and embarrass me.
I am just starting to accept that this is the reality I have been living with. I am exhausted.”