Wisdom to Ponder

What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly.

Richard Bach



The Stories We Tell Ourselves

“All the world’s a stage,
and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
and one man in his time plays many parts.”

William Shakespeare, As you like it.

I have an idea I would like you to consider.

We take on multiple roles in our lives, sometimes contradictory. Our roles are defined by our early experiences, traumas, losses and joys. Even as adults we can find ourselves stuck in a role, like that of victim, that we may think defines us, our character.

Do you believe your own story? Are you a victim of your own creation?
The Authentic Self

Do you seek to make yourself your own hero/heroine? How can you transform from that small place of fear and victim-hood to your true self, to your expansive authentic self?

The authentic self is not defined by your status, role, function, job or education. It is the essential you that is indivisible, those aspects of you that are unique. It is not about pleasing others and living out what others expect of you, but rather living out your own special potential.


The Victim Role

If the true voice of the victim were voiced, it might sound something like this:

“I have been taught that I am powerless and worthless. No matter how I try to fight it, I am weak. I must have done something wrong to be treated like this. Even though I fight it I must deserve what I am getting.”

If you pinned negative labels on yourself with the conscious and unconscious beliefs about who you are, would those labels be any of these?

• Weak
• Unworthy
• Guilty
• Undeserving
• Flawed
• Stupid
• Inadequate.

These beliefs are life a life sentence. This name-calling does so much damage. If we repeat the story of who we are often enough, we even come to believe it.

The reality is that a limiting belief is the truth until you see through it. Think about this: Your thoughts determine your reality. World renowned motivational author, Louise Hay is one who spelled out this deep truth in 1984 in her work “You can Heal your Life.” Her premise is that our mind is very powerful and if we change our thoughts, we change our reality.

These are ancient truths. Don Miguel Ángel Ruiz, better known as Don Miguel Ruiz, is a Mexican author of Toltec spiritualist and Shamanistic texts. Previously secret and hidden knowledge passed on from Shaman to Shaman is now available through him for all to understand. He speaks simply and eloquently about how we generate, create and reinforce our reality based on the beliefs that we have about ourselves. Truly, this is transformative: if we think differently, we create a different reality for ourselves!

Holding on to negative beliefs is like wearing black-tinted glasses. They distort everything and create a dark and limiting set of possibilities.

So many ancient traditions tune into this deep and profound truth: you are free to define your reality if you so choose.

It’s time to question your assumptions. Question: where did my negative ideas about myself come from? Are they from reliable sources of information, or have they been projected on me from a non-reliable source (“friend” or foe)? These negative beliefs need to be examined in the light of day.


What Blocks You from becoming your Real and Empowered Self?


Here re a few ideas:

Past conditioning. Some examples are: I need to hide or others will think I am a show off; Conflict is dangerous, I need to avoid confrontation at all cost; If I try to get what I want, I am selfish; Other people’s needs come first; I must not be assertive or others will see me as “bossy.”

Lack of Awareness and Early Conditioning

Early experiences can create an underlying set of rules that you follow without being aware of why you do what you do. Early teachings, especially before a child can speak, conceptualize and understand, create the inner world of beliefs that directs from below – like a deep current moves the water even though you can’s see it. If you were hit and demeaned as a child you may have internalized the belief that you deserve that kind of treatment.

Sometimes we are “taught lessons” even as an adult: mistreatment by a boyfriend or husband, wife etc. that we originally trusted can scar and damage the belief of yourself as worthy.

• Refusal to listen to your intuition

If we put more trust in how others define us than how we define ourselves we deny the truth that is deep inside. This places us at the mercy of the “other.” What if the “other” takes out their problems on us and project negative beliefs onto us? Shall we comply with their projections?

• Heart Block

If you shut down your ability to love in order to protect yourself, or remain in anger and bitterness, it is as though your true and authentic self is locked in a very tiny, dark space.
Rewriting the Story

So you wonder, how can I free myself from these dark and limiting beliefs? How is it possible to make yourself your own hero/heroine? How can you transform from that small place of fear and victim-hood to your true self, to your authentic self?

Here are some ideas for you:

• Listen to your negative thoughts. As you listen to your negative thoughts,  honor the pain that created such hurtful beliefs. Send love, understanding and compassion to that hurt part of yourself. Forgive. You may find yourself crying for that hurt child (or adult) who received such mean and harsh judgment. That is good.

Change is always possible. Awareness precedes the ability to change.  As you recognize the pain, the damaging thoughts, memories and experiences,  you can move to release the pain and bring in healing. This activates the potential for change.  You may now create in your mind first the reality you wish to create (as long as it is for your highest good) then manifest it in the real world.  If thoughts proceed reality, use your mind wisely to draw the reality to you that is grounded, balanced and a world in which you are honored.

Treat yourself well. Honor time spent in your own company. Take care of your self, all of you.  Pray: allowing the connection with your higher self, with God, or spirit – as you define it.

Meditate: allow yourself to see the march of thoughts and feelings, and witness those thoughts and feelings as though from above. See and feel them, then release them. As you do this in succession you will find a quieter, deep place of wisdom. You will “see” and “hear” the answers you are seeking.

• From this place of wisdom you can create new “mantras”: words or phrases that promote self-love and empowerment. Mantras like: “I am enough,” “I choose myself,” I am strong,” “I am worthy,” “I accept myself as I am.”

Allow yourself to “see through the negative projections placed on you, eject them and replace them with your new, beautiful and empowering understandings.

flame of love

Blessings to you on your journey,



Now that I know, why do I stay?


Just the two of us

Again, I use the convention of speaking in the first person – on my behalf (in the past) and for some struggling now in an abusive relationship but who finds it impossible (so far) to leave it. For simplicity purposes, I will use the masculine pronoun for the abuser, but of course, it can happen the other way around. Here it goes:


“I sit here drowning. I see it all so clearly now. I see what he is doing, how he tries to manipulate me, how he threatens and bullies me. I see clearly how he tries to make me feel guilty. I see how he creates a problem and then blames me for it.

It is clear to me now how he undermines my relationship with family, friends, any one who supports me. He is trying to isolate me to have me all alone – except for him. The ways that he does this is sometimes devious, sometimes outright cruel and humiliating.

He wants me at his mercy. He is trying to brainwash me. I see that he is trying to make me dependent upon him. He tries to generate anxiety in me; he cultivates my despair. He gives me hope just often enough so that I will continue to play his game.

He tries to create the belief that nothing I can do will make any difference. It is as though he has sealed off all exits. And while he has me he degrades me. Everything he does drips with contempt designed to make me feel small and insignificant. He demands complete control and if I try to make any decisions by myself, of course, they are always wrong.

He is secretive about money. I just know he hides money from me, but he scrutinizes every penny I spend.  He has a right to privacy; I don’t.

He quiets down for a while, but then he goes into one of his “moods.” That’s when my anxiety spikes. I know something is coming and it’s not going to be good. Sometimes I start shaking. I can’t sleep. Sometimes he just walks in while I am sleeping and starts yelling. I am not safe.

One of the worst things that he does is to deny what I know to be true. It is unbelievable how he creates his own version of reality and defends it with his life. In the past I have questioned my own sanity. Maybe he is right. He really believes it so maybe I am wrong. It made me doubt everything and that opened me up to more and more manipulation.

I see it all. I know fully what kind of hell I am living in. It helps me to know, but then again, I don’t feel capable of leaving. I know I fill myself up with excuses why I can’t leave. I justify staying out of so many fears. But what kind of life is this?

Do I deserve to live a life without fear? At least this is what I know. My world has become very small. I have allowed him to define my reality, who I am, what I am capable of. In my mind, in some small part of me I know I am bigger than the box he has put me in.

How do I translate this knowledge into action? Where do I find the faith when I have been betrayed from the inside out? I am in a maze. I know I got in, but will I ever find the way out? There must be a way. I need to find the way I came in to find my way out.

Please help me. I feel so alone and afraid.

I seek the answers that will help me.  I am waiting for redemption and freedom.  How do I release myself from this bondage?”