We have certainly seen the dark side of relationship, but if we have never had, nor have never seen a truly loving relationship, how do we know what to create? What does it look like?
Here is one way to delve into this mystery: I will set out a comparison between what I call the Old Relationship Paradigm and the New Relationship Paradigm. Some of these comparisons have to do with male-female relationships, others are not related to gender; some are related to larger historical and cultural aspects. Here goes:
The old way is based on power. The new way is based on respect; respect for each other and for life itself. This is the prime directive in a loving relationship.
- The Old: I seek power over you. I seek to dominate and control you. I compete with you. I want to win. I seek to conquer and defeat. I am a warrior. I am in a power struggle.
- The New: I seek collaboration and partnership. I want us both to win. I want us to learn from each other.
- The Old: I am greater than you.
- The New: We are different but equal.
- The Old: I create drama as a means of being the center of attention.
- The New: I seek calm, connectedness and closeness.
- The Old: I am ego-driven. My personality rules. I look out for myself.
- The New: I thrive on respect and balance. I am spiritual; I seek your happiness as much as my own.
- The Old: I use my persona for protection. I won’t let you get really close to me so I won’t get hurt.
- The New: I am vulnerable and authentic.
- The Old: I blame you in order to avoid looking bad.
- The New: I accept responsibility for myself and want to learn from my mistakes.
- I am aggressive and push to have my way.
- I seek intuition and allow for the highest good to manifest. It’s not all about me.
- The Old: I hold on to grudges and thrive on vengeance.
- The New: I seek to forgive myself and others. I release anger. I seek love as transformative.
- The Old: I focus on order and discipline.
- The New: I value flexibility.
- The Old: I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anyone.
- The New: I surrender and trust in the Divine.
- The Old: I choose to conquer nature. I take what I want. I don’t care who or what it hurts. I do what it takes to be rich and powerful. I use whatever means necessary to win.
- The New: I recognize that we are all interconnected; everything is sacred. I honor the need for balance. I know what true wealth is. I understand that Love is all that matters.
- The Old: Historical male domination gives me license to dominate you.
- The New: I understand that my true power is in embracing the feminine in you.
- The Old: I manipulate from a position of weakness as a woman; I have learned to manipulate and resent you.
- The New: I accept my feminine gift of vulnerability and receptivity and embrace your masculine urge to hold and protect.