What does a healthy relationship look like? The Old and the New Paradigm

We have certainly seen the dark side of relationship, but if we have never had, nor have never seen a truly loving relationship, how do we know what to create?  What does it look like?

Here is one way to delve into this mystery:  I will set out a comparison between what I call the Old Relationship Paradigm and the New Relationship Paradigm.  Some of these comparisons have to do with male-female relationships, others are not related to gender; some are related to larger historical and cultural aspects.  Here goes:

The old way is based on power.  The new way is based on respect; respect for each other and for life itself.  This is the prime directive in a loving relationship.

  • The Old:  I seek power over you.  I seek to dominate and control you.  I compete with you.  I want to win. I seek to conquer and defeat.  I am a warrior.  I am in a power struggle.
  • The New:  I seek collaboration and partnership.  I want us both to win.  I want us to learn from each other.
  • The Old:  I am greater than you.
  • The New:  We are different but equal.
  • The Old:  I create drama as a means of being the center of attention.
  • The New:  I seek calm, connectedness and closeness.
  • The Old:  I am ego-driven.  My personality rules.  I look out for myself.
  • The New:  I thrive on respect and balance.  I am spiritual; I seek your happiness as much as my own.
  • The Old:  I use my persona for protection.  I won’t let you get really close to me so I won’t get hurt.
  • The New:  I am vulnerable and authentic.
  • The Old:  I blame you in order to avoid looking bad.
  • The New:  I accept responsibility for myself and want to learn from my mistakes.
  • I am aggressive and push to have my way.
  • I seek intuition and allow for the highest good to manifest.  It’s not all about me.
  • The Old:  I hold on to grudges and thrive on vengeance.
  • The New:  I seek to forgive myself and others.  I release anger.  I seek love as transformative.
  • The Old:  I focus on order and discipline.
  • The New:  I value flexibility.

warrier statue -detail

  • The Old:  I don’t trust you. I don’t trust anyone.
  • The New:  I surrender and trust in the Divine.
  • The Old:  I choose to conquer nature.  I take what I want.  I don’t care who or what it hurts.  I do what it takes to be rich and powerful.  I use whatever means necessary  to win.
  • The New:  I recognize that we are all interconnected; everything is sacred.  I honor the need for balance.  I know what true wealth is.  I understand that Love is all that matters.
  • The Old:  Historical male domination gives me license to dominate you.
  • The New:  I understand that my true power is in embracing the feminine in you.
  • The Old:  I manipulate from a position of weakness as a woman; I have learned to manipulate and resent you.
  • The New:  I accept my feminine gift of vulnerability and receptivity and embrace your masculine urge to hold and protect.

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