Whose life is it, anyway?

Stairs in Castle Kufstein - AustriaWhen you read the previous post, did you wonder:  I am changing, I am looking at my responsibility but he (she) isn’t?  I am doing my part, but  (for simplicity purposes I will use the masculine pronoun, but know that it can go either way)  he isn’t.  How will our relationship ever improve if he doesn’t look inside and change how he treats me?

Do you find yourself trying in any way possible to bring out the best in him?  Do you keep on giving, practically turning yourself inside out to find the soft part in him so you can finally be loved?  How many chances have you given him to redeem himself?  At each turn, when you are disappointed again and again do you feel deep despair?  If only he saw me, if only he understood that I am a good person, if only he loved me.

Eventually do you find yourself doubting your goodness, your very worth.  Maybe he is right.  Maybe it is my fault.  Do you find yourself trying to change to fit the mold that he seems to want you to be?  Do you slip into dark hopelessness when you realize that the goal is ever receding, the definition of who you should be ever-changing.  Do you feel like the rabbit chasing the carrot, running as fast as you can until exhaustion grips you?

My question to you is this:  what has happened so far in your attempts to change him (her)?  Have your methods worked?  Do you actually feel loved and safe?  If your answer to any of these question is no you may need to evaluate.

You are the one who needs to change.  You are responsible only for yourself.

One step at a time will begin your journey to freedom and safety.  The step may be small but it will lead to the next step.  Know that you are not alone.

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