Love letter to myself



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I am me.  I am important.  My feelings and needs matter.  I am the author of my life.  Peace comes from within me.  I choose the conditions of my life.  I choose the people in my life.

I can say yes.  I can say no.  I choose to see the truth.  I am loving, patient and caring.  I have an open heart.  I accept love.

I choose life not fear.  I choose love and loyalty. I require love, loyalty and commitment in my relationships. I require partnership and trust.

I release any denial of what is.  I honor what is.  If my reasonable expectations are not ultimately met, I release that which no longer serves me.

I sit in peace knowing that if conditions are unacceptable to me, at that time, I will let go.

For now, I live and love, for me.

Chapter 8; Sparkles and Smurfs by Carla

I just had a lovely Reiki experience with Cynthia and friends. She was hosting a Reiki Share and the room was filled with 3 Reiki practitioners and one in training. I was to be the receiver of their practice, and I was nervous.


Before I climbed on the table for the Reiki session, I noticed the heart hanging on the bathroom door in the room. As I laid face down I was thinking about love. There was a lot of love in the room with these 4 peaceful women.


Once I was settled, Cynthia directed the ladies to different points on my back and feet they were to touch. One by one, I felt them lay their hands on me and I immediately began to feel sensations. When the first set of hands were placed on my lower back I started to feel intense heat where she touched. She kept one hand still and slowly rubbed the other hand up my spine. The heat was replaced by deeply rooted emotions welling up within me. By the time the second set of hands were placed close to the first set, I was softly and quietly crying into the mat. I cried, “Is this what it feels like to have a mother’s love?”


I was welling up with a strong feeling of peace and love. I never experienced female energy like this. I never grew up with hugs and kisses from a mom. My need for Mother must have been buried, because the feelings came from a very deep and locked up area within me.


Once everyone was settled, Cynthia sat at my head and placed her hands on either side of it, slowly beginning the session. She asked me if I saw anything. For awhile I was still dealing with the welled up emotion, then I saw the heart. It was dark purple and similar to the heart on the Reiki door.


Everything around the heart was dark and matted, like a chalkboard in a dark room with no lights. It felt heavy and muddy. It felt like I was sitting in front of this dark door in mud. I felt weighted down and stuck. All I could focus on was the darkness around me and the purple heart hanging on the door.


Suddenly, I could see sparkles. Bright yellow, white and gold sparkles. They seemed to be peaking around the door. I wanted to push the door open, but I couldn’t. I felt stuck in the mud. The feeling made me sad. I wanted to move, to go where I wanted and the idea of not being able to was unbearable.


Cynthia kept asking me questions about what I saw. That helped me focus on the sparkles and what could possibly be behind the door. Finally, I felt myself moving. I was willing myself to move towards the door. I felt the darkness trying to hold me down, but I kept willing myself towards the door. Finally I could feel the door in my hands. I could see my hands on the door and I wrapped my fingers around the door and pulled myself around from the darkness into the light. It was a beautiful feeling and a beautiful sight.


The gold, yellow and white sparkles grew in size and intensity. I felt a welling up inside of me, as though the sparkles were filling me up with their energy. I heard a sound of happiness and celebration. When Cynthia asked me what it was that I heard, I could only describe it as the sound of Smurfs skipping along in the forest, hand in hand. It was carefree, innocent, youthful and filled with love. I felt joyshutterstock_189386465 between grains of sand.jpg.The celebration, the love. What an incredible feeling.





Who are you waiting for?


Bing Meditation paintingsWhen I was younger, in times of crisis, I would long for an answer, or look for someone who would give me the answers I was looking for.  I ended up becoming an English Literature major in my undergraduate years searching the novels and poems of others struggling to find meaning in life.  I looked to teachers, friends and in my relationships to delve into the deeper aspects of their minds:  do you know what we are here for?  Is there a God?  What are we doing here on earth?  I thought the answers lied outside of myself so I was on a quest for the answers.

It was only at the bottom of the rabbit hole that I saw the mirror!  It was myself in that mirror.  And I discovered that my mind did not have to search “out there.”  I didn’t even have to search in my head.  I discovered the deep still well that waits inside.  The insights and answers flowed from that deep stillness.  It was no struggle.  It was effortless.  I understood that all I had to do was surrender and ask for help.  

The flow was natural.  The gifts free.  You are the one you have been waiting for.  Embrace yourself in the stillness.  Experience the gratitude, and practice surrender.  You will discover, amazingly, that all of the answers are right inside of you.  Ask, let go, and patiently allow the path to be revealed, like the fog lifting from the river bank.

It lifts, and there you are!





My Dear Sister



thumb_IMG_2415_1024.jpgMy sister is gone. Candice was my best friend. Starting out my little sister, we shared life’s treasures and interests throughout our lives together. I rediscovered a gift she had left me on a previous birthday. It speaks to me, and I hope it speaks to you as well:

“Happy Birthday. Certainly a year to celebrate all kinds of growth! I hope you find some moments of relaxation and peace today. You try so hard to live well and fully – and I know it’s often a struggle.

I will be sending you joyous and celebrational energies your way all day, along with thoughts of a deeply felt peace that can be so elusive.

Be loving and generous and playful and forgiving with my sister today – appreciate all that she is.

My birthday wish for you is this – that you may sometimes feel the release and complete acceptance and love I felt in a dream I had when a beautiful human being/spirit put his hands on my shoulders and I knew I didn’t have to do anything, be anything, say anything.

In that moment I knew I was loved and accepted (and I knew I was OK) for all that I am and am not. I was whole as I existed at the moment, and being was enough – more than enough.

I love you,


I send this wish on to you, brothers and sisters,



You have lived through so much. It took courage to stay, to live each moment – one to the next. Sometimes you questioned if you would make it.

Suffering extends time. Maybe it seemed like forever. Heavy. Hopeless at times. Crushed.

And then, no more. Not one more minute. No. The courage to say No.

“The Breath” as Teacher

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I allow, naturally, the breath in.  I take in life.  I allow it to flow through my whole body.  It happens without thinking.  I don’t have to do anything but allow it in. Then I notice a natural pause.  A moment to immerse in the stillness.  The space where all truths reveal.
Then the moment of release.  Letting go of all that no longer serves me.  The release of the past.  No need to hold on.  Only lessons learned.
Then the return to breath in.  Allowing life energy in.  Infusing through every cell. Like the tide.

Are you ready for a good laugh today?

Thank you Robert!!!

Use of Reiki to release the energy of trauma and abuse

Well, you see that I have taken you down the rabbit hole to Reiki.  What, you might ask, is the relationship between Reiki and the trauma of an abusive relationship.


If you could actually “see” the negative energy that comes at you when someone is yelling at you, demeaning you or verbally attacking you, you would be shocked. Red and black angry energy is flung at you and over time, it penetrates into your own field of energy like arrows.  If you remain in that relationship, the arrows penetrate into your heart or any part of your body that is being demeaned or humiliated.

If you try to fight back, you may get an even harsher attack, the equivalent of an energy bomb.  Over time, if you haven’t protected yourself, you turn the color that your attacker or abuser has projected onto you. You internalize it and paint yourself with the same color that your abuser has forced on you. You believe that you are that ugly, dumb, lazy, or incompetent, and the energy of his or her projections remain in and around you, unless identified and removed.

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Both physical and emotional abuse create energetic disturbances in your field. Here are some tactics that abusers use and how your field of energy may be affected:

Undermining:  your energy may be literally ripped away, leaving you weak in the knees, less able to support yourself, the a rip tide that sweeps the sands of the shore with it.

Back stabbing:  Betrayal when unexpected can literally feel like a knife in your back, behind the heart.  Often a knob of muscle spasms there in response to the attack, causing pain which can be sharp and enduring.

Over-powering:  Like a tsunami, the abuser overwhelms with a wave of energy that overtakes and washes over the victim, leaving him or her crushed and devastated.

Insinuation:  Sneaky and indirect, the foundation is chipped away by negative implications.

Triangulation:  The abuser may bring in a third party/ies to reinforce the dark negative perceptions onto the victim.  One more way to undermine and imply how bad the person is:  painting with a dark paintbrush, darkening the color palate of the victim.

Grandstanding:  A power tactic meant to intimidate through loudness, control through bombast.  The field of energy in the abuser is expanded and flung at the victim, leaving stains and barbs.

Minimizing:  It is as though the abuser has an eraser on this one.  He/she denies the significance of the victims feelings, leaving the victim feeling powerless and misunderstood.  If not protected against, the field gets smaller and more shrunken, as the abuser’s energy enlarges, like a blast of hot air.

Gas lighting:  This is a trick!  Through manipulation the abuser tries to convince the victim that a falsity is the truth.  If allowed, it is like a dark cloth is put over the head of the victim to prevent sight.  Confusion reigns then, since they are in the dark.

Lies:  This is a direct manipulation of reality to the end of giving the abuser control, hiding from the sight of the victim.  Energetically, this scrambles the energy in the head:  confusion reigns.

Cheating:  Even if there is not a direct knowledge of cheating, the energy is withdrawn from the victim and redirected elsewhere.  On some level, there is an awareness in the victim of what is going on, generating a range of emotions.  Emotions are an energy in and around the brain and body. A storm of confusing and contradictory energies swirl like a dark storm.

Pulling the rug out from under:  Similar to undermining, the energy here is diminished at the base, leaving the victim ungrounded, a pushover, easy to trip and fall.

Projecting blame:  So here, the abuser takes his or her own behavior, thoughts or feelings and flings it onto the victim.  If not protected, it sticks like glue or gummy spaghetti.  The victim may know it isn’t right, but it doesn’t matter.  Over time, he or she may even claim it is their own.

Bulldozing:  The massive amount of energy forcefully projected onto the victim can leave the victim “floored.”  It may feel like they “Don’t know what hit them.”

Claiming victimization while victimizing:  Energetically this draws energy from the real victim and the abuser sucks it up.  Everything is designed to enhance the power/energy of the abuser and weaken and draw from the victim.  There is a reversal going on here that is like a twisting action, leaving the victim in knots.

Enslaving:  This may literally feel like the victim is being choked, with an energetic rope around the neck.  Nothing is ever good enough, and the demands may escalate.  A heavy burden is placed on their shoulders, so there may be a feeling of being heavy, weighed down.

Shaming:  A wave of heavy, dark energy is flung over the back and head of the victim.  The head is lowered in shame, the heart heavy, and the self attack is very painful.


Channelling healing Reiki energy can remove the energy of abuse, feelings of shame, helplessness, blockage. By clearing, cleansing and balancing the energy field, the person previously called victim, becomes survivor, then one who thrives – having found their own true self again.  Empowerment and freedom is the result.





New You Tube Video

I welcome you to view my new video.  I was interviewed by a local television studio about my healing practice of Reiki fusion.  Here it is:

Guided Meditation for Deep Relaxation

I am excited to share this healing meditation with you.  Just click on the link below: